My kid spent a long time washing kinetic sand off his hands, so now he’s clean, but the bathroom looks like it went to a rave on a beach
me: *cooking 47th meal of the day*
my kid: mom, let’s pretend the kitchen is a restaurant
me: *eye twitch intensifies*
Being a parent means when you actually manage to find a pair of scissors they’re mysteriously sticky
A duv-egg? In this economy?
There was a slight misunderstanding, and my kids are out in the yard looking for rabbits, but whatever keeps them busy
The neighbor’s 5yo keeps yelling “are we boyfriend and girlfriend” across the fence at my 5yo, and my kid just came running in the house and slammed the door, so I guess that answers that
My kids keep fighting over who gets to fool me next and maybe that’s the real prank
Saw a house on zillow with a built-in wine fridge and it’s no longer for sale, so that will always be the one that got away
I let my kid stir the pancake batter and now he keeps asking for the whisk-y, going to have a lot of explaining to do at preschool
One of the moms at school pickup always yells “hi, chicken nugget” to her kid, and that’s a level of parental embarrassment I can only aspire to
My kids are fighting about who the cat likes more. We don’t even have a cat
Please don’t make me choose pickup or delivery to see your online menu, I just want to practice my drive-thru order
My kid just told me he needs to take 120 of something to school tomorrow, so his choices are cheerios or my tears
My kid is playing doctor and so far he’s thrown a stuffed animal at my knee, poked my arm with a stick, and asked if I like to climb trees. But I get to lie down, so best game ever
My kid asking me to put on some terrible youtube channel