Please help, my kid keeps threatening to teach me chess
You know I’m something of a chef myself
Thought a guy on a bicycle was doing a fist pump so I almost did one back until I realized he was just really enthusiastic about turning right
My 5yo is insisting weasels aren’t real and that I’m the one who told him that, and I did not know I was going to have defend myself like this before coffee
I just like to keep my options open
-me, setting six alarms on my phone
My kid is practicing his ninja moves, but he’s doing them right on the front lawn where everyone can see, so he might need more training
My kid just yanked out a loose tooth and set it next to the flowers he got me, and is that…is that part of the gift
moving out: guess I’ll get rid of that exercise bike
moving in: you know what this place could use…
My kid can’t eat his pasta because *checks notes* the bowl is too thick
What this four-way stop needs is some kind of signal that would let people know when it’s their turn to go
Just saw an ad for a local psychic fair. I’m not planning to go, but I guess they already know that
neighbor kid, play fighting: are you ready to taste pain?
my kid, mumbling under his breath: I’m ready to taste cheese
My kids wanted to bake something and now we have to move
– a parenting memoir
Did I break my fitbit record? yes
Did my kid take over wearing it halfway through the day? also yes
Ten seconds into packing a box…aaaand I’ve lost the end of the tape