The recipe I’m making specifically says allow to cook undisturbed, and yet my whole family is standing in the kitchen
Shout out to the zillow listing where someone was just like eff it, the giant bottle of vodka stays in the kitchen pic
I don’t actually need a house cleaner, I just need the threat of a house cleaner coming over as motivation
My kid is refusing to go to bed until 10, so to pass the time he’s going to lie down in bed and wait…until 10
My kid spent a long time washing kinetic sand off his hands, so now he’s clean, but the bathroom looks like it went to a rave on a beach
me: *cooking 47th meal of the day*
my kid: mom, let’s pretend the kitchen is a restaurant
me: *eye twitch intensifies*
Being a parent means when you actually manage to find a pair of scissors they’re mysteriously sticky
A duv-egg? In this economy?
There was a slight misunderstanding, and my kids are out in the yard looking for rabbits, but whatever keeps them busy
The neighbor’s 5yo keeps yelling “are we boyfriend and girlfriend” across the fence at my 5yo, and my kid just came running in the house and slammed the door, so I guess that answers that
My kids keep fighting over who gets to fool me next and maybe that’s the real prank
Saw a house on zillow with a built-in wine fridge and it’s no longer for sale, so that will always be the one that got away
I let my kid stir the pancake batter and now he keeps asking for the whisk-y, going to have a lot of explaining to do at preschool
One of the moms at school pickup always yells “hi, chicken nugget” to her kid, and that’s a level of parental embarrassment I can only aspire to
My kids are fighting about who the cat likes more. We don’t even have a cat