me: *starts the washer*
me, two minutes later: what’s that noise
Those are NOT normal gifts
-my 6yo listening to the 12 Days of Christmas
me, late night cleaning: I am an adult woman
also me: I am not opening the blinds to clean the patio door because murderers
Message from teachers: no clubs this week
Message from club coordinator: no clubs this week
Email AND text message from school: no clubs this week
School electronic sign: no clubs this week
Number of parents who asked if there were clubs this week: not zero
Walking around the neighborhood trying to figure out where Amazon delivered my package this time is the self-checkout of online ordering
A service where you bring a working printer to my house, I print the one thing I need, and you leave again until next year
The 6yo neighbor kid looked inside and said, “whoa your house is way different than mine” and I’m going to need him to come back and elaborate
6yo: I’m giving myself a challenge
me: what is it
6yo: I’m going to get $99 by my birthday
me: how are you going to do that
6yo:
me:
6yo: no idea
my kid, hitting me with toy hammer: mom, I’m fixing you
me: *fires therapist*
Feeling betrayed because my kid found my stash of Reese’s peanut butter cups that I originally took from his stash
My 8yo ran inside and scooped up a huge handful of halloween candy to sell to the neighbor kids, and when I told him to just give them out, responded with: they can have the first one free, then they have to pay
You’re not my real can
Saw someone get offended online and comment “two shay” and I can’t stop thinking about it
Guess for Halloween my 6yo is going as an Amazon package that was supposed to arrive last week
Chefs: you eat with your eyes first
Me, eating with my mouth: oh no