Told my son I was born with a cone shaped head because doctor used a vacuum thing to pull me out at birth. He now calls me cone head and is looking for a cone emoji to put on his phone next to my contact name. WE ARE ADJUSTING TO COHABITATING JUST FINE!
Did my noble deed today and got a few boxes of Girl Scout cookies. It wasn’t for me, it was for the organization of course.
I do the crane stance like in the Karate Kid movie each time I have to flush the toilet in a public restroom.
When I hear my kids try to insult each other with “yo momma” jokes, I end up yelling how I’m not fat or stupid.
The stickier the better.
-Rice, obviously
Just said “finger bang” instead of “finger guns” and this is why I shouldn’t ever be allowed to speak in public.
I’m at the age I need all the beauty sleep I can get. So naturally I’m not able to sleep.
Son told me “Make me a sandwich, woman” and now I have one child instead of two
Answers phone breathlessly
Friend: Sorry!! Didn’t know you had company
Me: I was washing floors
F: Oh…is that the new code?
Me: No…
I relate more to “Rice, rice, baby” – because Asian