The best part of my kid graduating was unsubscribing from the school’s text messages.
One day you’re young and spry and the next you’re watching videos of people taste testing their friends’ Subway sandwich orders.
A tinder type app, but it matches you with sandwiches in the area.
*aggressively waits in line*
Had to Google, “Nice way to say selfish” for a recommendation today.
Happy 50% off black jellybeans day!
Spice things up at church by french kissing your neighbor during the traditional greeting time.
People who are loud sneezers should be required to post it on their dating profile.
You’re not a real teacher until a student shares with you that your fly has been down most of the class period.
When people don’t text me back I write their obituary and send it to them.
Me: Want some trail mix?
Him: That’s just peanut butter m&m’s and some ibuprofen.
Me: It’s homemade.
Heading to therapy. Let’s all cross our fingers that some good therapist jokes come out of this.
Well, well, well, if it isn’t the consequences of my own food choices.
A high school student just asked if Titanic was based on a true story. Happy Friday.
In one class I have a Bella, an Ella, an Eli and an Ellie. Say those names quickly three times in a row and Bloody Mary appears to steal your freshly sharpened pencils.