Just tracked down a student to ask where his amazing looking sandwich was from and he didn’t know. How is this possible.
I have more pictures of food on my phone than I do of my children.
My favorite thing about teaching high school is when a student turns something in a week late and then emails two hours later because I haven’t graded it yet. It’s great.
Hi, I joined a cult.
*got an air fryer
I carry deodorant in my purse in case I need it or to casually wipe on strangers.
Cryptocurrency, but it’s just dead people buying stuff.
Accidentally opened the Facebook app and now I’m in three pyramid schemes.
If uneven eyeliner ever becomes a trend, I am golden.
Gonna get a job at Starbucks and write “Chad” on every cup.
Him: Do you gamble?
Me: I don’t even sneeze without crossing my legs.
I don’t understand why my AirPods aren’t working right I’ve only sent them through the laundry twice.
I’ve got something stuck in my tooth, but instead of flossing I think I will just drive myself nuts all day by trying and failing to get it out with my tongue.
I’ve made it to 10am without eating my lunch what more do you want from me
I’m teaching my students proper grammar by having them edit poorly written Yelp reviews. You’re welcome.
You can’t hurt me. You’re not a disappointing sandwich.