I let my dog watch “Fifty Shades Of Grey” and he loved it….Which surprised me because, he hated the book.
Her: I just programmed all of my friends into my new cell phone.
Me: Wow, it holds three whole numbers?
Her: Hey, I was just thinking about you.
Me: Isn’t it fun?
*At Super Bowl Party*
Hey baby, they’ve got a WHOLE bunch of shrimp here, did you bring the big purse?
Oh, I just remembered. You’re boring…. and my legs work!
Her: So, do you prefer showers to baths?
Me: I follow my heart…
Her: Hey, look at my selfie! I went to have my hair & makeup done today.
Me: So, they were closed?
Her: Look, I made a huge mistake hooking up with you, OK? I love my boyfriend.
Me: Yea, I could really sense that when you were taking my belt off with your teeth…
Sorry, I sometimes blackmail people when I’m nervous….
Her: What’s for dinner?
Me: Remember what we had last night? Cream of that….