Life is a highway: Too many cars, not enough bathrooms
Babies invented being in a bad mood for no reason, and they continue to innovate in the field
Babies are undefeated at debate. Their gibberish is too passionate
Things will be fine, eventually, in thousands of years, for rocks
Relax, everything will be fine eventually, for like 7 people
Just by looking into someone’s eyes, you can tell if they have eyes
A girl on the bus just batted her eyes at me, but I ducked and they flew out the window.
The first guy to eat cheese had a creepy hunch that totally paid off
It’s actually illegal to be mean to me. Many of you are under arrest
When I play the kazoo, I play to win
I’m prepared for anything, as long as it isn’t hard or boring or scary
The cops are here, Uncle Dave. Last chance to peacefully return my nose
Did Counting Crows ever give us a total number of crows
Sleep is basically free drugs, so people who think you need less sleep are narcs
Being an adult is cool because sometimes your back hurts and other times a different part of your back hurts