@donni

It’s actually illegal to be mean to me. Many of you are under arrest

@donni

When I play the kazoo, I play to win

@donni

I’m prepared for anything, as long as it isn’t hard or boring or scary

@donni

The cops are here, Uncle Dave. Last chance to peacefully return my nose

@donni

Did Counting Crows ever give us a total number of crows

@donni

Sleep is basically free drugs, so people who think you need less sleep are narcs

@donni

Being an adult is cool because sometimes your back hurts and other times a different part of your back hurts

@donni

Music is a scam. You can listen to all kinds of other noises for free

@donni

If I die, please avenge me. If it’s an accidental death, just go nuts on whoever.

@donni

Can’t believe I have to spend the rest of my life living the rest of my life