I identified a body yesterday.
“That’s a body!” I said.
Wake up, kids! Bees can’t even read, much less spell. IT’S A SCAM!
I told the 8 clowns in a tiny cop car to “clown arrest me! Take me to clown jail!” And they did. Bail has been set at 150 banana cream pies.
Might get a Gatorade logo tattoo to symbolize my contempt for thirst.
There’s no time like the present. Or later. Later on is pretty similar, actually.
Finally, you get a cab. The driver is a golden retriever. You hop in and hope for the best
You don’t see many dog librarians. Probably because of the barking.
Work like you don’t need the money: Just stop and go home. Who cares? You don’t need that money
Got this super hard game on my phone called Bank Of America. You only get a power up every 2 weeks? Need cheat codes
Any TV can be a TV dinner if you eat TVs
Cop: Do you know why I pulled you over?
Me: Do you know why I stopped?
*silence*
*a saxophone wails in the distance*
Worst Excuses For Being Late
5) Too many dragons
4) Out of dragons
3) I’m not late, Steve is
2) Time is fake
1) Made a list of excuses
The fact that we don’t use towels to dry towels makes me question the value of towels.
“I’m still at the airport, actually.” -A woman next to me on the train just now
I’ve never seen a chameleon. Good job, chameleons.