[me, to my brother] I can’t believe we’ve never been to Coachella
[my Ukrainian grandfather] when I your age, bear eat my wife
My son will never know the thrill of illegally downloading Thong Song on napster and waiting 1h39m for it to download
One time I got so nervous when a guy took off his pants in front of me I said “friggity diggity” please do not rt
I know we haven’t talked in awhile but I’ve been thinking about us a lot and I was wondering if u remembered the name of that burrito place
[Spider sits at computer and Googles probability of being eaten by human in his lifetime] Holy shit Sharon, COME SEE THIS
I just want to be rich enough where I snap my fingers and 7 people fight over who gets to make me my next grilled cheese.
One time I saw a biker’s funeral procession and realized even dead people are cooler than me.
Hot shingles in your area are looking to give your dermatomes a painfully good time!
You don’t need to write “imo”. Nobody is confusing your tweets with Nietzsche.
I see you posted a photograph of snow with the caption “it’s cold” could you tell me more about that