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Page of dumbbeezie's best tweets

@dumbbeezie : I want a job waking people up that I dislike.

Or I guess I could just get married

@dumbbeezie: I am not on a plant based diet but my lungs are

@dumbbeezie: I just want to know enough sign language to convince people to stop talking to me

@dumbbeezie: Your friends will stand by you even when you’re at your worst because people are stupid

@dumbbeezie: Shout out to feathers for keeping birds from being scary as hell

@dumbbeezie: Babies have no idea when one of them is cuter than the other. So you have to tell them

@dumbbeezie: “Forever” is just a romantic word for “until we get bored or one of us dies”

@dumbbeezie: Phone: face not recognized
Me: *starts crying*
Phone: Ahh there it is

@dumbbeezie: Back to the Future but it’s just me trying to break my parents up at the school dance

@dumbbeezie: Them: Ok we need to create good plastic packaging for cakes and cookies

Satan: MAKE IT REALLY LOUD