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Page of dumbbeezie's best tweets

@dumbbeezie : Phone: face not recognized
Me: *starts crying*
Phone: Ahh there it is

@dumbbeezie: Back to the Future but it’s just me trying to break my parents up at the school dance

@dumbbeezie: Them: Ok we need to create good plastic packaging for cakes and cookies


@dumbbeezie: If you find a stylist who can cut hair without talking, never let them go

@dumbbeezie: No thanks, free health assessment. I don’t want to know what I’m doing to my body

@dumbbeezie: Meteorologists are always good looking because we won’t stand for being lied to by ugly people

@dumbbeezie: “I’m doing good, how are you?”

-Me lying out of my lying liar hole

@dumbbeezie: People are managing their retirement funds and I’m over here planning to call in sick the day I die

@dumbbeezie: I smoke weed on my porch as a warning to all the other weeds

@dumbbeezie: People think doing meth makes you lose weight but actually it’s the climbing buildings and ripping out the plumbing