Pete Davidson always knows what’s different about you when you ask
The media be like here’s what you need to know about protecting your privacy online, subscribe to view article
This cashier is a moron
-Me at self checkout
This cashier is a moron
-Me at self checkout
Best movie gangster: The iceberg in Titanic
Watching JAWS and really identifying with the shark
Good night everyone except the demon who invented loud cookie packaging
If you’ve figured out one woman then you’ve figured out one woman
My niece told me Titanic wasn’t its real name and the whole sinking was faked and there was another even bigger ship that sailed to America in secret that was the real Titanic so I asked her who the hell taught her how to sign up for a Facebook account
Stop sexualizing Facebook going down, those are people’s grandparents
If you get a DM from Keanu Reeves asking for money, it’s probably fake because I already took care of him
Here’s a conspiracy theory, your parents conspired to create an idiot
I’m not against selfies. They kill more people than sharks
Bladder: I have to go
Laziness: Hang in there, champ
A Quiet Place but it’s just me trying to open a piece of cheese without my dog hearing