Funny Tweeter

Your daily dose of unadulterated funny tweets

We're redesigning Funny Tweeter. Your feedback is always welcome. Talk to us at @funTweeters

Page of dumbbeezie's best tweets

@dumbbeezie : If you find a stylist who can cut hair without talking, never let them go

@dumbbeezie: No thanks, free health assessment. I don’t want to know what I’m doing to my body

@dumbbeezie: Meteorologists are always good looking because we won’t stand for being lied to by ugly people

@dumbbeezie: “I’m doing good, how are you?”

-Me lying out of my lying liar hole

@dumbbeezie: People are managing their retirement funds and I’m over here planning to call in sick the day I die

@dumbbeezie: I smoke weed on my porch as a warning to all the other weeds

@dumbbeezie: People think doing meth makes you lose weight but actually it’s the climbing buildings and ripping out the plumbing

@dumbbeezie: Fuck off, automated sinks that give you three seconds of water to wash your filthy hands. You don’t know me

@dumbbeezie: I was washing my car and my neighbor said when I’m done I can wash his car too and we laughed and laughed and then I water boarded him

@dumbbeezie: If you think you could never kill a person you just haven’t met the right one