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Page of dumbbeezie's best tweets

@dumbbeezie : My friend takes things for granite because she didn’t finish high school

@dumbbeezie: The guy who named peacocks was never allowed to name anything again

@dumbbeezie: I hang crystals in my window as a warning to other crystals

@dumbbeezie: If I ever want to keep a secret from a man, I’ll put it in the fridge. They can’t find anything in there.

@dumbbeezie: At least my meth head neighbor mows his lawn. It’s at 4 am and he’s naked, but still

@dumbbeezie: Oh you hid the snacks? Sorry, I majored in finding snacks

@dumbbeezie: Mediums are on the decline because no one from the past wants to talk to us anymore

@dumbbeezie: You’re so dead to me I sent flowers to your mother

@dumbbeezie: You dance so good girl. Hell yes. That looks great. You are a flower swaying with the wind. Do the running man.
-Alcohol

@dumbbeezie: Be nice or I’ll put you in my novel and won’t change your name