Bee. The reason he needs an epi pen.
I just want to be fit enough to reach into my glove compartment, without crying.
When a 230 lb man yells from the shower for a towel, but you hand him a face cloth, he won’t find it nearly as funny as you do.
If you want your uninvited guests to leave, seat them comfortably in the basement, then go upstairs and watch TV.
“Awww. There there.”
*pats you on the face. Hard
The only lyrics I can make out in the song “Informer” are “Hey farrrrmer…something….a leaky boom boom cow”.
Not 100% sure though.
If you eat enough ice cream
your clothes will shrink. Weeeeird.
So I was coloring my few, grey hairs with a sharpie and Hubby walked in.
He told me, I’m the reason for warning labels on small appliances.
A group of held hands can raise your spirits.
It’s séance!
If by “social butterfly” you mean I will take off when you come near me, then yep.
Sorry I painted a hat on your head while you were sleeping, but I can’t knit.
Boy ant: Feel like a swim?
Girl ant: Can’t, I’m not boy ant.
[After date, walking her to her door]
Her: Thanks. I would invite you in, but I don’t want to.
Keep your friends’ cake
and your enemies’ cake.
People who pronounce didn’t as.”dih-in’t” please doh-on’t.