pregnant wife: what should we call it if it’s a girl?
pregnant wife: but what if it’s a b-
HER: What kind of music do you like?
ME: Hm. Imagine dragons.
ME: Cool. Now imagine them playing banjos with their claws.
NEIGHBOR: Is that your dog running around your yard?
ME: No. That’s a fence.
[FIRST DAY AS A NUDE MODEL]
INSTRUCTOR: Sir, we need you to take off your socks.
ME: (chuckles) Oh, sorry.
INSTRUCTOR: (clears throat) All three of them.