@eff_yeah_steph: Genie: last wish
Me: make it so eating makes you skinny and working out makes you fat
Genie: ooh, good one
@eff_yeah_steph: I saw a girl wearing a shirt that just said CANCER on the front and it took me five minutes to stop feeling sorry for her and realize that was her astrology sign.
@eff_yeah_steph: Me: I’m heading out to escort the canine on a jaunty trek about the neighborhood.
My husband: Why don’t you just say you’re going to walk the dog?
Dog: *goes absolutely nuts*
@eff_yeah_steph: Date: Your eyes look beautiful in the moon’s light.
Date: *leans in for a kiss*
Me: The moon doesn’t make light, stupid.
@eff_yeah_steph: Me: *getting off the couch*
I’ll be right back.
Dog: I would really feel more comfortable if we went together.
@eff_yeah_steph: Goat: So, I make a ridiculous sound?
Goat: Anything else weird I should know about?
God: Horizontal Pupils
Goat: What the- *stiffens, falls sideways*
God: YouTube is gonna love you.
@eff_yeah_steph: We were stuck in traffic once when I was a kid and I had to pee so badly that I cried and my mom gave me a coffee cup to pee in and I think about that day every time I pee in a coffee cup.