People that start a sentence with “Now I’m not trying to be rude” are either about to be rude, or about to sing Ignition by R Kelly.
*phone rings*
Wife – “Quick! Pretend I’m not in!”
Me – *strips naked and does running man*
Wife – “….”
“I’m leaving you”
“why?”
“Your jokes are old and tiresome”
“but, I can updog”
“What’s updog?”
“NOTHIN, WHAT’S UP WI-”
*slams door*
I took biscuits with me on a date once.
She called me a weirdo and said that biscuits was a stupid name for a cat.
Before pulled pork, pork just used to stand on the edge of the dance-floor, nodding to the music and looking cool.