employee: over 100 ppl were killed by the dinosaurs again
CEO: my God
[10yrs later]
CEO: what if we made a dinosaur theme park again lmao
trump: ban muslims
jeb bush: i disagree. just like dad would. who used to be president
ben carson: how did spongebob make fire underwater
[sees a baby spit up after drinking from baby bottle]
“lmao yo who invited the lightweight”
judas: honestly jesus is the coolest dude ever i hope he lives forever
jesus: worst movie ive ever seen? Space Jam
judas: yo what the f
God: ok u can make one human that’s it
Satan: how do u feel about toupees & the name Donald
oh u love jesus “with all of ur heart”? name 3 of his albums
judas: i would never betray jesus he’s the best
jesus: my favorite movie is the Minions Movie
judas: i am going to betray the son of God
ant-man: im here to stop u
bad guy: [pulls out a can of Raid©]
ant-man: motherf
guy: my dog just died
girl who studied abroad: wow that reminds of this one time in Europe i saw a dog
*Tim Burton slams hands on table*
WTF DO U MEAN THERE ARE OTHER ACTORS BESIDES JOHNNY DEPP & MY WIFE
*turns to Depp*
HOW LONG HAVE U KNOWN
taylor swift: oh my god look at that face you look like my next mistake
me [with mouth full of like way too many Doritos]: what
kanye west: beyoncé is the best there is & she’s one of the few true artists of our generation
me:
kanye:
me: how did u get in my room again
sucks to be a bad guy in the teenage mutant ninja turtle world like
“who stopped u”
“turtles”
“huh”
“no they were like faster than normal”
teacher: “there are no stupid questions”
me: “ya ok but why isnt the plural of moose, meese”
dating tip #4: when meeting her brother for the 1st time make sure when he goes for the handshake u kiss him on the lips to assert dominance