nobody will remember:
– your salary
– how “busy you were”
– how many hours you workedpeople will remember:
– you, because no matter how many times they deleted you from their contacts, the goddamn cloud brought you back
I’d like to meet the person who decided that if you wanted to get married fast it had to be done by Elvis
One more week not killing my basil plant so I’m a farmer now
Spending all my money on lottery tickets so I’ll either be rich or poor, none of this wishy-washy stuff in the middle
Someone once decided that if you wanted a quick wedding, it should be officiated by an Elvis impersonator
THAT is an influencer
Had a king sized bed all to myself last night. Must be what Rose felt like on that door
I’ve always been a late bloomer. Everyone is going on about Barbie and Oppenheimer and I’m still here posting my wordle
Stood in front of a dollar store and waited way too long for the *automatic* door to open before I realized my mistake.
Then I did it again on my way out. I can never go back there.
I remember when the only in-flight movie choices were either you watched or you didn’t
“Please be aware that this call may be recorded for training purposes”
-companies that obviously provide no training
inventor of rice krispies: but what if our food tried to get away
him: I love animals, especially dogs
me: *I could really like him*
him: birds too
me: *he’s dead to me*
When people say they’re speechless, I always hope they mean it but they never stop talking
Mayo fridge always be filled with condiments
I just bought ibuprofen from Costco so if anyone has any aches or pains, I can help 16,000 of you