Hey bro pleas stop using all the good skipping rocks at the river
When squirrels chase each other around a tree it reminds me of being at the mall in seventh grade.
I don’t like people staring at me on a good day let alone when I’m naked in the Smithsonian with my mummy bandages removed.
I used to devour books as a kid but the doctors made me stop because of stomach issues
How can you tell baby kangaroos apart when they’re all named Joey?
With AI we’ve designed an entity that will eventually destroy us but right now we’re just like hey “can you write a poem for my gf?”
dont freak out but everything is made of chemicals
my therapist challenged me to get out of my comfort zone so i stopped watching tv in the living room and switched to the basement
We’re all lucky we didnt grow up in medieval times because most court jesters were murdered.
HOW ARE SPOTTED OWLS ENDANGERED IF THEY’RE ALWAYS BEING SEEN
Staying off twitter is harder than eating water with chopsticks.
HOW COME YOU NEVER HEAR THUNDER AROUND LIGHTNING BUGS?
I TRADED MY ALARM CLOCK FOR A KOALA SO I CAN SLEEP UNTIL HE STARTS BEGGING FOR LEAVES WHICH’S LIKE 3 DAYS
Texting you back right away doesn’t make me a psycho.
What makes me a pyscho is watching you through your window while petting your cat.
SOME DUDE IN A LAB IS WORKING ON BRINGING THE PTERODACTYL BACK TO LIFE SO ENJOY THOSE EVENING STROLLS WHILE YOU CAN!