what’s another way to say “codependent psycho”? I want this dating profile to be perfect
who knew parenting would entail saying “pick that up off the floor” followed by “and don’t put it in your mouth” so often
what if cobwebs were delicious?
– cotton candy inventor
me: damn! this pizza burned the inside of my mouth
*immediately takes 2nd bite*
sweetie, she doesn’t mean anything to me. please look at me
when someone rings the doorbell
You telling me these peas gave someone a black eye?
this isn’t my first rodeo
– what my 5yr old just yelled as he wrote “rodeo” for the 2nd time
I’m beginning to suspect I wasn’t sold a corgi
this sky deity is putting off some real “nah, I’m good” energy
*bugs bunny*
bunny: stop bothering me
the saddest jazz hands ever
how I passively talk to my kid
“customarily, the clothes go in the hamper”
this is your fault for setting him up with Medusa
get yer dragons here! get yer dragons… I have menthol and non-menthol, get yer dragons!!
