*Brings Oreos to a Christmas cookie exchange*
Like my nana used to always say, “screen shots say more about the person sharing them than anything else”
Fun Fact – The faster you walk around the office the more important you are
When my friends come over they know to ask “may I sit here” and then we look at my dog to see if it’s OK
According to all these “note to self” sticky notes I am a very forgetful person also I have no idea what these notes mean
Christmas decorating 101 – Puts fake snow on Halloween decorations
Your move Martha Stewart
They say the key to a fitness routine is having a workout buddy and that’s why I surround myself with lazy people
I spend a lot of money at Sephora for someone who’s got access to filters
There’s something mentally wrong with people who ask other parents if their baby isn’t the cutest baby they’ve ever seen
Friends don’t let friends drive drunk but I don’t want them staying at my house
And that’s why Uber was created
Nothing says you don’t trust your family like pre-payment of your funeral
If you read enough tweets you can tell the approximate time the tweeter switched from coffee to alcohol
If you stand by and watch someone wreck their life, you’re part of the problem
And yet we all still go to weddings for the open bar
When your boss asks you “do I look stupid to you?” it’s a rhetorical question
I know this now
I’ve been on my best behavior ever since the words “you can be charged as an adult” applied to me