Just passed a psychiatric hospital. Anyways, wanted to let you know I was thinking of you today.
I only block people that deserve it and those I don’t like because of completely made up scenarios.
Be nice to your family. They get to pick the picture that will be in your obituary.
It’s October so I refuse to kill any spiders in my house in hopes that they do the Halloween decorating for me.
If you say “I’m fine” while squirting a can of whipped cream straight into your mouth, people won’t believe you but they will also leave you alone.
I reached for my best friend and she wasn’t there. But then I realized I set my coffee down on my right side, not my left, so I’m OK now.
I drink coffee because I don’t think I would do well going to prison for murder.
I drove for the first time in a long time without the music on……I don’t think cars are supposed to make the sounds I’m hearing.
I’m at the age where I am about to make a dentist a lot of money.
Not to brag but my family won’t have to argue about all the money I won’t be leaving them when I die.
People are asking me questions like they can’t see the FULL cup of coffee on my desk.
I got a $25 gift card to Sephora so I had to come up with $759.67 of my own money to make up the difference on my purchase
My dog and I both lose our minds when the doorbell rings but for totally opposite reasons……….I don’t want company
Let’s just call a cruise ship that’s sailing exclusively for married couples what it really is…….a battleship
Someone told me that Jaws isn’t even a real shark and that he doesn’t live in lakes. That’s the craziest talk I’ve ever heard.