You people are tweeting a lot about this eclipse for people who claim to never go outside
My family is sound asleep on this early Saturday morning
*Starts to vacuum
They say all dogs eventually look like their owners……..that’s unfortunate for your dog
There are two versions of every story and the drunk one is usually the better one
If my dog goes missing I have 3,789,897 current photos. If my kids go missing I have 3 photos from 5 years ago.
Tequila is made from a plant so you could say I’ve been vegan so far this weekend
I’m going to remember this night forever!!!
Tequila – You sure about that?
99 bottles of beer on the wall?
Challenge accepted
HEY JALAPENOS!
Me doing the macarena dance
Establish dominance over old people by yelling BINGO when you don’t really have it
Want guests to leave early? Don’t give them your WiFi password
You’re welcome
*Opens Google*
What date does Cinco de Mayo fall on this year?
According to my credit card statement Amazon is a hobby
The movie “Failure To Launch” but it’s a North Korean documentary
Me – Actually goes for a walk
FitBit – You OK?