*shaves, waxes lip, plucks eyebrows*
Okay, weigh me now.
Before I got an iPhone all I heard from my husband was how “intuitive” their products were. And I couldn’t help wishing they made spouses.
We’re all McNuggets in search of the right dipping sauce.
This salad tastes like I’ll be eating spaghetti at midnight. 😒
Why do people have guest books at their houses? Your game night is not a destination, Brenda.
If Mother Earth were real she’d leave us all outside the fire station.
For a brief moment I confusedly ask myself, “Am I Hannah?”
I should have known I was in for a rough afternoon when my child described her drink as “too soggy.”
I like how impressionistic the French language is. You only have to pronounce half of the letters then you just think about the rest.
Wife: What kind of pants should I wear on the boat?
Inventor of the Kayak: What if the boat WAS your pants?!