I don’t like doing the same things again so much that I can never be a serial killer.
People think i am so incapable of doing anything on my own that even if i commit suicide they would say it was murder.
I threw caution to the wind.caution is my little brother.
My friend likes going out.Recently he went out of his mind.
They say genius skips a generation.In our case it fell off our family tree and died.
An autocorrect with a pulse is called a wife.
My ex was a true professional.she said “you are fired” when we broke up.
I am not afraid to stand up to my wife when she is not looking.
I killed a girl who posted too many selfies.I think i can claim selfie-defence.
wish there was an edit option when d atm shows ur account balance!
Our wedding pic looks like my wife’s selfie photo bombed by me.
Poor superman.he can’t go commando without the whole world noticing
A recent study by UN has found dexter to be the no 1 cause for ocean pollution
If u ask me to baby sit 3 and at d end of d day can find only 1, dat is not a reflection on me as a babysitter.i was nevr gud at maths
‘You look fat’ is both an ice-breaker and a bone-breaker