@fatherofcomedy

I don’t like doing the same things again so much that I can never be a serial killer.

@fatherofcomedy

People think i am so incapable of doing anything on my own that even if i commit suicide they would say it was murder.

@fatherofcomedy

They say genius skips a generation.In our case it fell off our family tree and died.

@fatherofcomedy

My ex was a true professional.she said “you are fired” when we broke up.

@fatherofcomedy

I killed a girl who posted too many selfies.I think i can claim selfie-defence.