Shoutout to coughing on the bus. Haven’t tried it myself but seems really popular
I used the label maker
yes, we are a highly diverse company. susan in accounts is a goth
Filming myself playing the violin like it’s a cello to catfish the giant community
Pulling the sword from the stone and getting immediately embarrassed, freaking out, trying to jam it back in but it’s like a USB flipped over. Texting the girls “help”
Recipe comment: I didn’t use any of the spices and replaced chicken stock with some liquid I squeezed from an old pillow I found on the highway. 0 stars tastes like shit
adulthood is arrogantly deleting and then sadly downloading tinder & uber eats over and over and over
Please do not look at me when I am sitting at the front of the top level of a double decker bus. I am pretending to drive the bus and it is a very important job.
am i anxious? yes. but is that going to stop me from doing things i love? also yes
Oh what so only roosters are allowed to start the day with screaming
Can everyone please stop tweeting the clapping emoji it’s making all my lights turn on and off
Me: don’t 🙏🏼 judge 💜 other 🌈 people 💕 be kind ✌🏼😇
Also me: anyone who likes the new Taylor Swift song has a rotten brain parasite
My definition of the word ‘mansion’ becomes looser and looser every year. Oh ur asbestos bungalow has flyscreens? Um ok your Highness
TO MY SECRET ADMIRER: thank u for the flowers!! You accidentally had them sent next door & the card says ‘Penelope’ but it’s ok I love them😍
[to a straight couple]
Which one is the lesbian and which one is the other lesbian