I would have instantly hit ET with a hammer and screamed the entire time
do u think spider-man ever shot a little of his own web in his mouth just to see what it tastes like
[dentist’s full hand and wrist in my mouth, also his keys?]
so u visited Spain u said? tell me. tell me every goddamn detail about Spain
Whenever Becky says anything in the breakroom, I just say, “well, that got racist pretty fast” and walk out. I hate you so much, Becky.
You can pretty much tell me anything is an anagram and I’ll believe it. I’m not about to rearrange a bunch of letters like some doctor
I’m sick of this one horse town
*moves to two horse town*
No, no, this is too much
Let’s talk about Sex Baby. I regret you naming our son that. You’re a real piece of shit, Tammy.
A funny thing to do when someone’s dog barks at you is say, “I don’t speak dog,” and then when they leave the room, speak dog fluently.
I’m not saying Goldilocks was a piece of shit, but she broke into someone’s house and just started eating their breakfast.
Karen, if you can see this, the tupperware didn’t come with the lasagna. The tupperware wasn’t a gift
We get it, cacti, you have great biceps.