Live, Laugh, Love
Leer, Lunge, Lactate
Do things that start with L
Oh, those stick figures on your car aren’t for the bike riders you hit?
*removes 14 stick figures from car*
*steals all the clocks*
*has all the time in the world*
*rides off into the sunset*
*rides back to get SPF 50 sunblock*
*rides off into the sunset*
*seductively removes toilet paper from bottom of shoe*
Please be the blood from a horse’s head
Please be the blood from a horse’s head
Please be the blo…
Nope, just peed the bed again
Hey girl, heaven must be missing an angel….cause it looks like you ate one
*tries hard*
*fails*
*tries flaccid*
*gives your eulogy after inhaling helium*
The vegetable crisper or as I call it, the cold garbage can.
Why do we never see “Side effects may include spontaneous happiness, explosive giggling, uncontrollable hugging, and diarrhea”?
Got out of the car and dropped my keys in the gutter. They landed next to my mind, which I thought I’d lost.
You’re the last hot dog on the rollers at 7-11 of people.
“Here’s the problem… You’ve got a Pokémon up there”
– me, as a proctologist
*watches a house fall on you*
*steals your shoes*