my girlfriend of the past 6 months said the time has come for her to release me into the wild. i have awoken groggy, somewhere in a jungle, and i can hear the sounds of insects, a rushing river, and some very persistent hooting noises off in the distance.
this chia pet tastes awful
to a guy who shits on people’s lawns, everything looks like a lawn
the best sex is the kind that keeps your neighbor up all night. that’s what my neighbors are having.
twitter is cool because sometimes your random thoughts resonate with thousands of stupid losers
