[calendar naming committee]
BOSS: how should we spell the second month
GUY WHO SPELLED WEDNESDAY: i have an idea
[world without bees]
Hamlet: to or not to
won’t smith
LOIS LANE: let’s watch the super bowl
CLARK KENT: ok *takes glasses off regular bowl*
LOIS: look! up in the sky!
JIMMY: it’s a bird! it’s a plane!
BABY: *opens wide*
TREE: omg what happened to you
LOG: i was hacked
THE NEWS: gas prices are at an all time high
ME: *hasn’t left my house in over 2 years* oh no
JOSEPH: oh thank god you’re here
MARY: did you bring the diapers blankets and formula
WISE MAN: no i brought myrrh
[tv news room]
CHIEF: we need someone to cover the hurricane
PRODUCER: ok who do we hate the most
triscuits is short for scuit scuit scuit
caveman: *bit by a radioactive cave*
Me: you tellin me a shrimp fried this rice lol
Benihana Chef: ha ha
Shrimp Under Chef’s Hat: he knows too much
me: this could have been an email
cop: step out of the car sir
ANGEL: *creates alligator*
ANGEL’S BROTHER: *creates crocodile*A: *creates dolphin*
AB: *creates porpoise*A: *creates llama*
AB: *creates alpaca*A: *creates ostrich*
AB: *creates emu*A: quit copying me
AB: qUiT cOpYiNg mEA: i’m telling god
AB: i’M TeLLiNg gOd
ME: some day i will find out Owlman’s secret identity
FRIEND: who?
ME: *narrows eyes*