the sandworm from dune has arrived on the red carpet
SEVEN DEADLY SINS
Lust
Gluttony
Greed
Sloth
Wrath
Envy
Calling me instead of just texting
Happy Friday
Roses are red
Violets are blue
Keep your goddamn mouth closed
Whenever you chew
LIFE HACK: If a person is drowning, you can save their life by putting them in a bag of rice
TRUMP: I don’t have a subpoena. I have a very huge poena.
No regrets in 2018
Martin Shkreli can look forward to a 5,000% markup on cigarettes in his near future.
Someone should probably go check on Steve.
BRAZIL: Can you describe your attacker?
RYAN LOCHTE: You wouldn’t know him. He goes to another Olympics.
#LochteGate
Usain Bolt has the greatest Tinder profile picture of all time on his hands.
Shouts out to the Trump Tower suction cup guy for being the second craziest person to ascend that building.
The occupations on ‘The Bachelorette’ are getting out of hand.
When it comes to Pope vs. Trump, do you take the side of the guy who wears that ridiculous thing on his head or the Pope?