@fuzzlime

if i’m losing an argument believe me i’ve recognized that long before you & i’m already picturing eating a can of campbell’s chicken noodle soup when you’re done

@fuzzlime

i couldn’t do an interview from home i don’t have enough bookshelves to sit in front of

@fuzzlime

sometimes i wish a great-grandpa or old uncle had left me a pocket watch i could take out & wistfully rub during these “trying times”

@fuzzlime

me (spent my last $17 last month on 7 large burger king onion rings): ok so lemme give you some advice

@fuzzlime

life hack: DO NOT TRY TO CUT CHERRY TOMATOES IN HALF WITH YOUR FOOD SCISSORS

@fuzzlime

my neighbor is SO SWEET she somehow decided all of us neighbors on both sides love wind chimes SO MUCH she bought wind chimes for her backyard

@fuzzlime

at this point space aliens could land on earth on sunday night before the election & we’d all go yeah ok whatever

@fuzzlime

i can sleep well tonight knowing my “local 4 news” is “fighting for me” & “getting answers” especially that new weather guy

@fuzzlime

the most bizarre thing about scientology compared to any other religion is that it was founded by a guy named “Ron”

@fuzzlime

how to achieve the perfect smokey eye: apply eyeliner yesterday