Every time someone in a movie is being stalked, it’s like they can’t even hear the suspenseful music.
The spouse with the most blanket in the morning is the undercover boss.
Do-it-yourself home remodeling usually starts in the kitchen and ends in the depths of Hell.
A woman just pulled out her checkbook to pay for groceries and even the cultured butter dropped an f-bomb.
Stuck behind a guy with 13 items in the express lane and my avocados have already gone bad.
Your kids paranoid there’s a monster under their bed? Have I got a holiday for you.
I think all public hand dryers should be activated by a sinister laugh.