*narrows eyes*
You wouldn’t write it like that unless you poisoned the firgs
The ritual complete, the blood god stands before the cultist.
“I have summoned you forth to destroy my enemies”
BLOOD GOD: …
“what?”
BLOOD GOD: It just feels like every time you bring me out of the forbidden realm it’s cause you want something, and you never just want to see me
PHYSICIST: Time is relative and dependent on speed and gravity
FRIEND: Yeah okay, but my wedding starts at 4 so can you make it or not?
*distant Yogizilla noises getting louder*
[dinosaur heist movie]
*the expert triceratops safecracker spends 40 minutes unsuccessfully trying to put his ears up to the safe*
I’m an old soul. I know this because when my ex left me she kept saying I was “real mature” while rolling her eyes in admiration.
The head of my homeowners association told me I can’t burn any effigies over 15 feet tall in my yard, so I know exactly what my next 14′ 11″ effigy will be, hope you like it Todd
Inside you there are two wolves. One wants wings. The other also wants wings but remembers how their stomach felt after eating wings
I really had high hopes for this year though
Telling someone to “calm down” usually just makes them more angry. Instead just start blastin rainforest sounds from your boombox
Amaranth, bulgur, kamut, quinoa.…a list of ancient grains sounds suspiciously like an list of Elder Gods.
There are no mistakes, only learning opportunities.
***UPDATE***
Do not tell your kids they were learning opportunities.
Taking spiders outside to “help” them, buddy this is their house you weren’t born here
I’m not a heavy drinker but I do really like when the wine bottle makes the DOOKODOOKDOOK sound and will pour a glass of wine to experience it.
A mummy comes back to life, and is disappointed to be desiccated and decayed.
“This was a better idea on papyrus”