Took nephew out for lunch. The waitress asked what he’d like.
After a stunned silence, I explained ‘quiche’ was not pronounced ‘quickie’.
I was ringing this 0800 number for two days before I realised it was their opening hours.
When I first went on the pill, I put on a bit of weight. Which proved to be a very effective contraceptive.
When an old lady dies and then her husband dies a couple of weeks later, it isn’t because his heart is broken. It’s because he can’t cook.
I lie in the bath for hours.
But I try to tell the truth the rest of the time.