People who think being an aunt is some kind of “easy,” fun, responsibility-free way to spend time with kids REALLY do not understand how hard it is to open a child-locked drawer
I’ll sleep when I’m dead. But also, 11 hours/night when I’m still alive.
laundry day is my favorite day of the week. that’s why I dress for it every day.
My ex recently asked me if I wanted to be “Friends with Benefits” which is so psycho like dude I am a woman in her 30s, you can’t ask me something like that….I absolutely do not want new friends.
HBO gave me unrealistic expectations about how many woman would be named Siobhan
No shit your baby is crying. You just announced her weight to a group of strangers.
You know your exes are too similar to each other when four of them get mad about the same tweet
Every time my boyfriend and I break up, we get back together for half the length of our previous relationship. My friends say it’s unhealthy, but as a student of mathematics, I know it’s bound to end in a finite amount of time.
at its core, Harry Potter is a beautiful story about the value of having a hot mom
Being in your 30s is kinda like do I have Covid or is this just the way my body feels now
My secret to making condoms more comfortable is telling men how badly I want a baby
sorry but who wants to search “price: high to low”
We avoided this particular disaster
I text “just met my future husband!” to at least one friend after each first date, just to ensure someone has a cute anecdote to tell at our wedding
I don’t understand. I cleaned my bathroom 7 months ago. Why is it dirty again.