Y’all tweet like you don’t know it only takes 2 doctors to commit you.
I am never too old to redecorate your garden gnomes in the middle of the night.
18: I’m going to ask the stylist what color screams parental issues.
Me: …
I’ve reprogrammed my FitBit to allow for more me time. And by reprogram, I mean I’ve attached it to the leg of a deer.
I was born to run.
My daughter complained we were out of snacks so I lifted the couch cushions.
A bird in the… *BLOCKED*
Birds of … *BLOCKED
The early bird catches the wo…*BLOCKED & REPORTED FOR ABUSIVE CONTENT-worms on Twitter
Walked in for bread, walked out with 6 bottles of wine. Now we’re having communion for dinner.