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@girlontapas : Not now, I'm binge watching the weather channel.
@girlontapas: Think you had a bad childhood?
Wait until you see what adulthood has to offer.
@girlontapas: The 3 second rule: the time between when you tell me your name and when I introduce myself and wonder what you said your name was.
@girlontapas: Started to go to the gym this morning, couldn't find my membership card...
A new one was $10
A donut & coffee were $3
Guess who saved $7?
@girlontapas: Marriage: a state of constantly fluctuating between harmony and homicide.
@girlontapas: I’m not saying that I don’t like him...
But I hope he wakes up out of coffee and finds out that his phone updated and all of the apps he uses want him to re-enter his login and password.
@girlontapas: Me at work: If there’s an emergency, you can text me.
Next day: Allow me to define “emergency”.
@girlontapas: I am not a functional alcoholic.
I am a dysfunctional sober person.
@girlontapas: They say old habits die hard...
My ex was an old habit, here’s to hoping.
@girlontapas: My favorite way to eat eggs is inside chocolate cake mix.