I hate when my phone rings and I have to interrupt what I was looking at online and stare at it until it stops.
I walked in on my 13 year old boy watching YouTube videos and I was mortified…
What kind of psychopath watches Bob Ross at 13?
All of these people here talking about how they love with their whole heart…
I’m just happy I didn’t bite anyone today.
Not now, I’m binge watching the weather channel.
Think you had a bad childhood?
Wait until you see what adulthood has to offer.
The 3 second rule: the time between when you tell me your name and when I introduce myself and wonder what you said your name was.
Started to go to the gym this morning, couldn’t find my membership card…
A new one was $10
A donut & coffee were $3
Guess who saved $7?
Marriage: a state of constantly fluctuating between harmony and homicide.
I’m not saying that I don’t like him…
But I hope he wakes up out of coffee and finds out that his phone updated and all of the apps he uses want him to re-enter his login and password.
Me at work: If there’s an emergency, you can text me.
Next day: Allow me to define “emergency”.