@girlontapas

I hate when my phone rings and I have to interrupt what I was looking at online and stare at it until it stops.

@girlontapas

I walked in on my 13 year old boy watching YouTube videos and I was mortified…

What kind of psychopath watches Bob Ross at 13?

@girlontapas

All of these people here talking about how they love with their whole heart…

I’m just happy I didn’t bite anyone today.

@girlontapas

Think you had a bad childhood?

Wait until you see what adulthood has to offer.

@girlontapas

The 3 second rule: the time between when you tell me your name and when I introduce myself and wonder what you said your name was.

@girlontapas

Started to go to the gym this morning, couldn’t find my membership card…

A new one was $10

A donut & coffee were $3

Guess who saved $7?

@girlontapas

Marriage: a state of constantly fluctuating between harmony and homicide.

@girlontapas

I’m not saying that I don’t like him…

But I hope he wakes up out of coffee and finds out that his phone updated and all of the apps he uses want him to re-enter his login and password.

@girlontapas

Me at work: If there’s an emergency, you can text me.

Next day: Allow me to define “emergency”.