I guess I could try to do “No Nut November” but I think it’ll be a REALLY white christmas if I manage it.
I probably would’ve had a better chance of winning back my ex-gf if I’d thought of something better to say than “I really miss your toilet noises”
How does one “schmooze”, and what is it? It sounds like tissue paper may be necessary
Had a yard sale to raise some much-needed cash. I really miss that yard.
Applied for a “meditation class” but missed out the first T on the enrolment form, so now I’m studying to be a marriage guidance counsellor.
Typos are dangerous, you guys.
….. and then there are people that call their chihuahuas “Cujo”
“You say you like intelligent men? Then look no further! Line forms to the….”
*Checks soles of both my shoes*
“….left, ladies.”
Ohio sounds like someone greeting a friend they didn’t expect to see then immediately realising it’s actually someone else
Apparently my boss wasn’t too happy with my performance during his trust fall.
I trusted him to fall, he hit the floor, I applauded. Not sure what the problem was, tbh.
These are troubling times, but as an incredibly drunk philosopher once said, “you can’t make lemonade without breaking a few eggs”
No, YOU just googled “emoji meanings” to make sure you’ve been using the correct ones….
I became a detective for the cold cases. Turns out they’re nothing to do with beer.
Betrayed.
People that call their kids Randy, is that short for Randolph or Randrew?
Everyone has that one vegetable that brings up memories of an ex
Hug your kids as often as possible.
They can’t break your shit when you’ve got them in a full body lock