Cryptocurrency sounds like an entrance fee to a mausoleum.
This is not my forté. It’s not even my threeté if I’m being honest.
I could totally identify with REM if the song had been called “Losing my Shit” instead
Why do preachers call them sermons and not Godcasts?
Dear guy that just shoplifted a brick from the supply centre, how close are you to finishing the construction of your dream home?
Me: “I love you so much. I bought you this beautiful rare green rose.”
GF: “That’s a cabbage…..”
Me: “YOU ARE SOOOO UNGRATEFUL, DIANE.”
If people on Twitter found a horses’ head in their bed at least 3/4 of them would get a selfie with it before calling the cops…..
Still trying to convince my boss that I’m just using beer-flavoured toothpaste.
Turns out that when asked which was my favourite of all the X-Men that “Caitlyn Jenner” was not a valid answer.