It’s raining.
I’m going to be late for work.
I can’t fit my hair in the car.
My therapist told me “time heals all wounds”,
So I stabbed him. Now we wait…
“LOLZ”? Really? Did you laugh so loud you fell asleep?
Forgot to turn on the oven. Food’s been in there for 45mins. I know, cause I set the timer.
My welcome mat says, “Oh shit! Not you again!”