[Buys a popcorn and cola combo at the movies]
My Financial Advisor:
Being an adult is like being a paper clip. Everyone knows you’re twisted, but you’re expected to hold a lot of things together.
Everyone knows the correct use of a comma when it comes to your bank account statements.
‘Pennywise pound foolish’ is a very derogatory way of describing a clown’s sexual partner.
Time heals everything 🙂
Zoom / MS Teams calls are the best places to see miracles happening.
Someone gets disconnected and everyone pronounces, ‘I think we lost her.’
Then they rejoin and say, ‘Hey, I’m back.’
Me: I’m an expert at identifying birds.
Them: Ok, What about those ones flying over that tree?
Me: *narrows eyes and looks intently over the trees* Yes, they’re all birds.
Twitter is my serious account. The funny one is my bank account.
*feels butterflies in his stomach while going on the first date*
– guess I shouldn’t have run through the garden with my mouth open.