@golubeerji

[Buys a popcorn and cola combo at the movies]

My Financial Advisor:

@golubeerji

Being an adult is like being a paper clip. Everyone knows you’re twisted, but you’re expected to hold a lot of things together.

@golubeerji

Everyone knows the correct use of a comma when it comes to your bank account statements.

@golubeerji

‘Pennywise pound foolish’ is a very derogatory way of describing a clown’s sexual partner.

@golubeerji

Zoom / MS Teams calls are the best places to see miracles happening.

Someone gets disconnected and everyone pronounces, ‘I think we lost her.’

Then they rejoin and say, ‘Hey, I’m back.’

@golubeerji

Me: I’m an expert at identifying birds.

Them: Ok, What about those ones flying over that tree?

Me: *narrows eyes and looks intently over the trees* Yes, they’re all birds.

@golubeerji

Twitter is my serious account. The funny one is my bank account.

@golubeerji

*feels butterflies in his stomach while going on the first date*

– guess I shouldn’t have run through the garden with my mouth open.