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Page of gorrdano's best tweets

@gorrdano : How bout I hold a toaster over you while you're in the tub, and you tweet something that doesn't make me drop it.

@gorrdano: McDonalds employees get so cranky when you perform the entire dance routine to Britney Spear's "I'm a slave for you" before ordering.

@gorrdano: Pilot makes a sudden sharp turn, comes on speaker "Just kidding!! Attendants will be by with new underwear. Have a nice flight everybody."

@gorrdano: I've replaced my friends insulin with heroin. This is the most expensive prank I've ever done but it's ok, I'll rob him when he's dead.

@gorrdano: I help morning mall walkers get their blood flowing by chasing them down with a chainsaw.

@gorrdano: I'm always ready with my mallet when sewer workers poke their head up from under a manhole.

@gorrdano: A forest fire is the world's way of adding black trees to the forest community.

@gorrdano: Don't ever let anybody outshine you in life. If that means arriving at someone's funeral in a casket, then so be it.

@gorrdano: Sorry, I'm using all 43 grocery carts. Use a basket.