@gorrdano

Is your wife buying too many shoes? Cut her feet off. There, done.

@gorrdano

When the nun comes around to collect the offerings, I shell out a handful of change and a cucumber then give her a wink and a thumbs up.

@gorrdano

I’m throwing myself a circumcision party tomorrow, so anybody with a scalpel and a steady hand, stop on by. Jews welcome only with gift.

@gorrdano

Thanks, I wrote the tweet. There’s no need to reiterate it back to me with quotation marks.

@gorrdano

I understand if you aren’t religious, I respect that. But you don’t have to get all rude when I ask to use your first born as a sacrifice.

@gorrdano

Nobody deserves to look that peaceful sleeping. SLAP.

@gorrdano

If you’re going to attack me in an @, you better be prepared to give me like three hours or so to think of a good comeback.