A teenage girl trying to find the right t-shirt, is far more decisive than me in front of 10 different sandwiches
”You can’t outsmart me! I know what you’re up to” I say to my cat. I lie
Me, at the edge of a cliff: HEEEEEEELP
My therapist:” EnjOy the mOment”
Pigeon 1: I really have to go to the toilet mate.
Pigeon 2: Wait a litle dude..i want same thing but we really have to find a really clean car…
-So many red dots everywhere on the fields this morning, that I haven’t seen before, I wonder what..
-Oh, nooo! Alien invasion!
-..flower they were
One two three whole cakes devoured, and suddenly nobody believes you’re on a diet
Wife: You call this a gift?
Husband: Well, when that other guy brought you same thing..
Wife: You mean our dog?
Yes aunty, I do like jello. And, of course, I adore feta . Why did you have to combine them
Me, feeling an arrow sliding by my hair to end up on a tree while I hear chubby baby crying : Not today, Cupid
I don’t think putting that ouija board on a grave will help you catch a better signal
Oh, please don’t pay attention on that voodoo doll you’re going to find outside your door!
That was by mistake
(Over the Ouija board)
-Wheeere have you plaaaced your hoodiees..
Don’t mistake my habit to look down, as modesty.I have a long history of tripping on the most ridiculous things
The devil on my left shoulder says “eat the cheese”
The worse devil on my right says “eat the entire pizza”
-Look Jim, I know you mean well, and asking people to help you write messages to your girlfriend is not exactly illegal..
-Right!
-But..
-Ugh, here it goes
-People seam to be scared when you stop them to ask questions, and you know why, Jim
-(drops his head) cause I’m a cop