-Stop expecting someone else to fix you, fix yourself
(me talking to the pile of clothes on my bed)
-You’re gonna love our date at that place where treasures may be hidden
-Wait..will it be romantic?
-..
-I told you 100 times, you can’t trick me into going to the garbage dump again
I mistakenly opened a bag of chips and now I have to eat them, so yes, there is such a thing as a fun problem
No matter how many candles you burn, you can’t bake bread. Follow me, for more wisdom
Oh, you’re a rock fan? Name 3 rocks
-Stop sending me scary scenes from destruction films! What’s wrong with you?
-That was just me cooking us lasagna
-Oh..see you at 9!
-You bet you will
”This is my last chance” I whisper to myself, as we sit on the couch cuddling and I stare at that one slice of pizza left in the box
Sometimes nothing goes well. Other times you draw a mustache on a photo as a revenge, and the person on the photo sees it and to your surprise actually grows a mustache because he liked it
Forget sex. Try to explain economy to a child
The man that loves to eat on a lounger by the pool is a manipooleater
My favorite doll’s husband was made by me, of a shampoo bottle and a ping pong ball. Good guy, but he just couldn’t stop losing his head over things. Literally